Battle

You are but a mystery to me

Enigmatic, attractive, disconcerting

Bits and pieces of a puzzle that don’t quit fit

Intellectually intimate

Emotionally, physically distant

Frustrating, a tease, tempting and playful

All in the same moment

Understanding cannot be my goal

Unattainable if it is

And so I wonder what it is

That I’m doing with you

Why I bite at the bait you dangle before me

A challenge, a conquest?

Ah, but who will reign triumphant

And who portrays the conquered?

You are the master of this game

For such trivial victory is not my seeking

Neither the torment of a heart wrenched

To lose myself in another

Relinquish control and direction

That is my ultimate challenge

You are not an opponent I battle

Rather it is myself

Because of the perilousness surrounding you

I am troubled with doubt

Still undeniably excited by the prospects

And I wonder if I am capable of such abandon with you

But if I knew, there would be no need

No desire, neither the longing nor the dread

That inhabit my thought of you

There would be no reason to continue the charade

So I am destined to play this game until the end

No rules save those we create

Victor, vanquished, or surrendered

Win, lose, or draw

It matters not the outcome

Only that I fought gloriously for my cause.